The Healthy Marriage


What is a healthy marriage?

Find out the keys to creating and sustaining the kind of marriage you dream about.

The essential element of a healthy marriage is not that you do not have disagreements or both of you are completely similar in all kinds of ways.

All couples do have their differences, but the essential element of a healthy marriage is emotional responsiveness. Emotional responsiveness means the couples have enough trust and emotional connection between them.  Even though they may have their differences they always reach out for each other when it matters.


Some qualities of a Healthy Marriage

The Couples are:

  • Are trusting and trustworthy, are interpersonally honest yet tactful
  • Are proud of each other’s achievements, and give realistic praise
  • Are aware of their weaknesses and show efforts at constructive change
  • Enjoy talking and listening to one another, even when discussing areas of conflict
  • Are empathic and attempt to understand and meet their partner’s needs
  • Carefully consider the issues that face them, evaluating the pros and cons of alternatives. They try not to jump to hasty conclusions regarding important relationship issues.
  • Try to change personal habits that are irritating to their spouse
  • Are able to forgive and receive forgiveness from one another.


Biblical Principles for building a Healthy Marriage

 (Best selling book on marriage- Model Marriage by Dag Heward-Mills)

We can glean some few principles from the Bible that can help us build healthy marriages.

 1. Principle of Staying Together to Discover Each Other.

 We recommend that newly married couples spend their first night together at a place where they can have maximum privacy e.g. a hotel, and also to take some time off for a honeymoon.

It is also important that they avoid pregnancy in the first few months or even a year so that they can adjust to each other if possible. (Deut. 24:5)


2.   Principle of Humility in Sex

Some people are just too proud to get deeply involved in sex. Humility will open new chapters in your sex life. (Deut. 22:29)


3.   Principle of Satisfaction at All Times

You must satisfy each other at all times. This means in the morning, afternoon, and evening. It means after one year or ten years in marriage, at anytime, anywhere; you must satisfy each other. Always means ALWAYS. (Prov. 5:19)


 4.   Principle of Being Ravished with Your Spouse

 You must make a conscious effort to admire the different parts of your spouse’s body and beauty.  (Prov. 5:19)


5.   Principle of Having Confidence in Oneself

Confidence is very important in any relationship. You have to have confidence in yourself. You are nice, you are comely; fearfully and wonderfully made. You may be black or fair but you are beautiful and comely.        You may have big or small breasts, but you are beautiful, comely and UNIQUE.

Avoid shattering your spouse’s confidence by refraining from making derogatory statements about the breasts, hips, size of genitals, stomach, legs, spots, and scars. (Song of Solomon 1:5,6)


6.   Principle of Arousing Love

Love can be stirred up by speaking nicely to each other, treating each other nicely and surprising each other with nice little things.

When you have something nice to say to your partner, don’t keep it, speak up. Say “sorry” and “thank you” when you have to, and say “I love you” always. (Song of Solomon 2:7)


7. Principle of Belonging to Each Other

“To belong to” means “to own”.  When you own something, you can have it at any time, and anywhere.  So it is in marriage.

You belong to each other and you must have that attitude that I belong to my wife and she belongs to me. 

(I Cor. 7:3, 4)


8.   Principle of Admiring and Speaking about Each Other’s Beauty

Your partner cannot know what you are thinking about till you say it. It is important that you speak about the beauty of your partner.  We often speak only when there is something negative to say.  Why not speak when there is something positive to say?

What you say will be a seed that will lead to confidence and joy in your partner. (Song of Solomon 4:1-7)


9. Principle of Answering for Yourself Why Your Beloved Is Better than Others

You must be convinced in yourself that you married the right person. 

Give yourself several reasons why your spouse is better than others.

Learn to see the advantages and benefits that he or she brings.  DO NOT allow negative things to cloud out your appreciation of your spouse. (Song of Solomon 5:9)


10. Principle that Your Beloved Is the Best

Believe that your beloved is indeed the best amongst all the other options. (Song of Solomon 5:10)


11. Principle of Being in Love Forever

Because marriage is permanent, you can let yourself go without any fear.  (Song of Solomon 8:6,7)