Speaking the truth in love to one another makes us grow up in our relationship with God. Similarly, speaking the truth in love to each other as married people makes us grow closer to each other.

But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ

- Ephesians 4:15

A husband and wife must be the best of friends; share every success, disappointment, joy and pain together.



Husband and wife must always make the effort to speak to each other (the children in turn learn this). A clear sign of unhappiness is when the couple are very quiet at home but immediately a visitor arrives, they begin to talk. They, however, revert to silence when the visitor leaves.

1. Communication results in growth.

2. Speaking brings relief and healing.

3. Choose to speak life.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

 - Proverbs 18:21


(a) Speak good things about your spouse, e.g. “I love you, you are wonderful, you look sweet, your food was good, you look charming”, etc.

(b) Confess positive things about your marriage.

(c) Express your love to each other verbally.

(d) Speak about things that you do/do not like.

(e) Speak to edify.


Avoid These Things:

(a) Shouting

(b) Insulting

(c) Arguing to win

(d) Always bursting into tears

(e) Doing all the talking without listening to the other side

(f) Always keeping quiet and refusing to communicate

(g) Avoid words like “never” and “always” which confer a permanent negative verdict on the person.


Some examples include:

i. You are always late!

ii. You are never there when I need you!

iii. You never do anything right


Some Examples of Things Not to Say

(a)I will slap you!

(b) I will divorce you!

(c) “Swine!”, “Twerp!”

(d) You are hopeless!

(e) You are hopeless!

(f) I blame myself for marrying you!

(g) You can go to hell!

(h) You call yourself a man!

(i) I hate you!

(j) Can’t you be like Mr. X or Madam Y?

(k) You are ugly, you are a witch!

(l) This marriage will not last

(m) I don’t think we are meant for each other

(n) Prostitute!

(o) Bitch

 Excerpt from Model Marriage - one of the best books on marriage counseling by Dag Heward-Mills