The Role of a "Total" Wife



A solid marriage is one in which both the husband and the wife have a clear understanding of what is required of them, in order to support, nurture, and love one another. Although these roles may be played by both partners at various stages and seasons of life, the scriptures of the bible are prescriptive on what is expected of each partner. Let’s take a look at the main roles of a wife:

  1. Love Your Husband: Titus 2:4 specifically requires of wives “to love their husbands.” Loving a man comes in many shapes and forms including accepting him for who he is. Too often, women strive in marriage to change their spouses and face many challenges and frustrations at their inability to do so. However, the key of acceptance and accepting him with his imperfections goes a long way in enabling a wife to love her husband as she should.


Another impediment to a wife loving her husband could lay in the motive behind the marriage. Unfortunately, some women marry for the wrong reasons: for money, for fear of her biological clock running out, or because of an unplanned pregnancy. Circumstances like these make it even more difficult for a wife to love whole heartedly. But we thank God that if these are the reasons for your marriage, you can ask God for forgiveness and for the grace to fulfill your calling as a wife

       2. Submit to Your Husband: In Ephesians 5:22-30, the word of God requires of women to submit to their husbands.

 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansingher by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.

This is a controversial and misunderstood concept, but it is important to understand through the scriptures that submission should be voluntary. A marriage is poised to receive favor and blessings when both partners fulfill their responsibilities willingly. This sort of submission should not lead to any type of abusive and destructive behavior but instead, to a relationship grounded in love.

3. Provide Sexually for Your Husband: Every wife has a God-given duty to satisfy the sexual needs of her husband. Usually, the need to have sex is greater for a man than for a woman, and many wives find their husbands’ persistent advances for sex a bother.  A wife should know and understand that if she does not take care of her husband’s sexual needs, she may push him to seek fulfillment elsewhere and this will lead to a lot of heartache and pain. It is therefore in her own interest to satisfy him sexually at home.

4. Be a companion and a helper to your husband: Genesis 2:18 states “The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” God created wives to companions to their husbands. But perhaps more importantly, He created wives specifically to be helpers to their husbands. This is not a relegation to a role of insignificance but an opportunity to encourage, to respect, to support,  and to use the tremendous influence God gives wives to empower their husbands to be who God intends for them to be. 

The Total Wife

Many women do not only play the role of wives, but are also students, mothers, cooks, etc. The following are some of the responsibilities under each role that a wife may play.

  1. A Christian
  • You must pray
  • Read your Bible.
  • Have/attend fellowship
  • Be involved in church activities


      2. A Worker/Student:

  • You must put in your best and attain good results in any endeavor

      3. A Mother

  • As a mother you must be loving and patient
  • Be prepared to talk/converse with the child(ran)
  • Help out with homework


      4. A Sex Partner

  • You must be eager and ready to meet the needs of your partner and your own
  •  You must initiate sex sometimes.
  •  Remember that you will only be doing your God-given duty.


      5. A Cook

  • Produce good food always/regularly with variety and zeal. (Although it is common for women to have this responsibility, it is also not unheard of to have men that play this role in marriages, because all relationships vary).
  • As much as possible, adjust to your husband’s work schedule, no matter how “ungodly” his hours of eating may be. The importance of this lies in the consistent opportunity to serve and the importance of dining together. These 2 behaviors are instrumental in building open communication lines, cementing the bond between husband and wife and demonstrating love.
  • As much as possible, serve him yourself and sit by him to keep him company, even if you have had your meal earlier. Similar to adjusting to a husband’s work schedule, this practice promotes frequent communication, cements the bond between husband and wife and is a demonstration of love.


     6. A Home keeper


  • Your home must be very tidy and clean, not only for visitors but for your husband and children as well. (Although it is common for women to have this responsibility, it is also not unheard of to have men that play this role in marriages, because all relationships vary).


       7. A Hostess

  • You must try to be as hospitable as possible.  Be a friend to your husband’s friends.
  • Cheerfulness and a happy disposition at all times is an asset.


Principles for a Total Wife 

  • All my roles are equally important.
  • I cannot and will not leave out any of these roles.
  • I will plan in advance for all things.
  • I will organize, delegate or get help and use it when I have to.
  • I will have a positive attitude towards sex.
  • I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).